Coincidence?

I just read my horoscope for today which said:

The Bottom Line

You don’t consider yourself an intellectual, but someone else does. Give them time.

In Detail

You might not consider yourself an intellectual, but someone else does. They admire your thoughtful nature and will make moves today to pick your brain a bit about a problem they are trying to solve. Give them all the time you can, and invite them along if you have to run errands. You can make good use of the travel time by getting to know them better, and letting them get to know you. Get ready for an interesting conversation — they have a lot of questions you have never considered before.

The funny scary thing about it was that I actually encountered this very thing today. Ugh

Paradox.

Just when I am starting to have a new life, I realize that I am gradually getting my old one back!

Growing Pains.

I’ve been taking Kung-Fu classes for 8 weeks now, and lately, I’ve been training daily too. But never did a day pass by without me getting myself either bruised (in all brilliant colors from blue to red, green, brown, black, purple, pink, orange, yellow…), or tumbled to unconciousness. On good days sore muscles are the worst I would get. On bad days I would get them all. I would wake up each morning from the pain I feel in those muscles whose existence I was never even aware of ever before. I would have to spend weekends in bed while suffering from the aches and twinges and helplessly wait for them to pass by. On some days my mere daily physical survival was just too much torture to bear.

It is hard, but it is worth the effort.

In short: I love it.

Pining.

Aghast. Bulked. Beaten. Frustrated. Disappointed. Depressed. Worsted. Upset. Hopeless. Down. Unhappy. Crushed. Owned. Sullen. Gloomy. Sad. Somber. Dejected. Wistful. Pensive. Bleak. Dreary. Cheerless. Dismal. Melancholy.

How do you describe pain?

Infatuated.

Once struck by Cupid’s arrow, it will suddenly be hard to see the fine line between admiration and infatuation. As soon as that one certain moment took your breath away, you’ll be at the mercy of Cupid’s delight.

Then comes the bittersweet phase of longing and yearning. Of being emotionally retarded. Knowing that no amount of efforts would ever deliver a result.

There’s not much left to do than to wait for the fire to burn out.

Trust me. I’ve been there, done that.

Puyat.

The insomnia bug bit me again and I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, I just can’t sleep, zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz….

Thin Craze.

Woh. That chick looks anorectic .

Morbid Innocence.

Thanks to the unexpected and not to mention very unwelcome sudden breakdown of my car’s muffler, I had to lay over today’s rehearsal until Saturday. Bad Luck sure knows how to piss one off.

Trying to let go of my annoyance over the matter, I treated myself to some good old Looney Tunes cartoons (Looney Tunes Golden Collection: Volume 1). It refreshed my memories of the lazy Saturday mornings, having friends over watching cartoons over a nice warm cup of chocolate milk (i.e. Milo or Ovaltine). The wacky misfortunes and crazy bumping offs of Coyote, Daffy Duck, and co. cracked me up all the time (they still do actually).

This led me to realizing how surprisingly bold some nursery rhymes and children’s songs were in terms of death. Three of which, in particular, struck me most:

Now I lay me down to sleep,
and pray to God my soul to keep.
If I die before I wake,
I pray to God my soul to take.

Rock-a-bye baby in a treetop,
When the wind blows, the cradle will rock.
When the bough breaks, the cradle will fall,
And down will come baby, cradle and all.

There was an old lady who swallowed a fly.
I don’t know why she swallowed a fly.
Perhaps she’ll die.
[...]
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse.
She’s dead of course! *laughter*

Oddly enough, these never seemed to have bothered nor daunted me when I used to chant them myself during my childhood. Hell, “Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep” was even my bedtime prayer! Thoughts of never waking up again the next morning did not occur to me even once way back then.

One of the amazing things about being a kid is the carefree attitude. It’s nice to look back at those moments at times when things you never worried about as a kid tend to get frighteningly serious (and sometimes really ugly) as you grow older.

From the episode: “Rabbit Seasoning“

Alright, it wasn’t really that dreadful. Here was the last sign.

 

 

The Lost Muses.

The muses (from our next play “The Lost Muses” which premieres sometime this April) had their first rehearsal for this year, and as much as I was really very excited about it, the whole thing still felt kinda strange to me. I wasn’t comfortable with myself. Was it because my tummy was way too busy digesting the huge portion of casserole with cups of rice on the side I had for dinner (which was again my breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner for that day)? Or was it because I never practiced this scene at home? *whistle*

I guess it was a combination of both. Though the rehearsal was fun and the muses were really doing great, I still felt like a big fake, a bogus. I felt like insulting our D with my lousy performance. I felt so… bloated.

Funny thing was we were rehearsing the first scene which involves all muses spending a day at the beach. Yours truly had to play the role of a muse lying on the sand, enjoying herself while trying to inspire a frustrated poet lasciviously. Now imagine a meishan swine trying to intellectually seduce a confused poet with all its physical charms, and you’ll get the picture of how my scene looked like.

I was supposed to lie and pose and mentally hook up with the poet, or at least try to look like I was efficiently connecting to his psyche. Looking for the right lying and telepathizing position (i.e. the one that enables me to breath, think, and play simultaneously) kept me busy instead. My paunch just hindered me from being at ease.

I pulled the act off to some extent anyway but I was not feeling the role. That’s bad. For if I don’t feel the role, I tend to “act”, which turns out to look awfully artificial. And that I don’t aspire.

I will never overeat before rehearsals ever again.

Looking Back.

2007 has been quite a momentous and enlightening year with all its usual ups, downs, and plateaus. Encountering severance from someone who practically used to be the center of my life left me… empty. It’s like trying to fill that hole with all sorts of waddings, yet the pit seemed bottomless. I tried to patch it to at least cover the hole. But really, sewing has never been one of my assets. Still, this hole was yearning to be filled.

The whole situation forced me to betake myself to a quest; a quest with an unknown destination. Which turned out to be everything but fruitful, as it’s really hard to quest for something when you don’t even know where to start – let alone what you are looking for in the first place. I tried to find some orientation by formulating the real issue I had as accurate as I could: “I want to move on with my life, and fill the hole as I go.”

The search for my quest’s destination was so obvious, but I was caught up in other major life-boggling issues for kids my age that I failed to see the woods for the trees. My new quest’s destination is:

Me.

So I started new hobbies, had a new passion, went on great trips, met new people, made new friends, widened my horizons, grew up a bit more. 2007 was not that bad after all. Come to think of it, if I never had this heart-breaking experience in the first quarter of 2007, I would have never got into doing all the other refreshing stuff.

I also found out that this hole that keeps on haunting me was actually the new chapter of my life’s book in disguise. It’s now ready to do some major rocking. No wonder its bottomless. For as Mr. S. Tyler once said: “Life’s a journey, not a destination.”

You live, you learn. Funny how some childhood hits first start to make sense as you grow older.

As of the present, I’m starting to get ready for tonight’s party. Food, music, dance, wine, cocktails, and eye candies are some of tonight’s agenda.

Let’s end the year with a big “Thank you!” and welcome the new one with a warm hug.

Bring it on, 2008. I’m ready.