The muses (from our next play “The Lost Muses” which premieres sometime this April) had their first rehearsal for this year, and as much as I was really very excited about it, the whole thing still felt kinda strange to me. I wasn’t comfortable with myself. Was it because my tummy was way too busy digesting the huge portion of casserole with cups of rice on the side I had for dinner (which was again my breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, and dinner for that day)? Or was it because I never practiced this scene at home? 
*whistle*
I guess it was a combination of both. Though the rehearsal was fun and the muses were really doing great, I still felt like a big fake, a bogus. I felt like insulting our D with my lousy performance. I felt so… bloated.
Funny thing was we were rehearsing the first scene which involves all muses spending a day at the beach. Yours truly had to play the role of a muse lying on the sand, enjoying herself while trying to inspire a frustrated poet lasciviously. Now imagine a meishan swine trying to intellectually seduce a confused poet with all its physical charms, and you’ll get the picture of how my scene looked like.
I was supposed to lie and pose and mentally hook up with the poet, or at least try to look like I was efficiently connecting to his psyche. Looking for the right lying and telepathizing position (i.e. the one that enables me to breath, think, and play simultaneously) kept me busy instead. My paunch just hindered me from being at ease.
I pulled the act off to some extent anyway but I was not feeling the role. That’s bad. For if I don’t feel the role, I tend to “act”, which turns out to look awfully artificial. And that I don’t aspire.
I will never overeat before rehearsals ever again.
) on ORF, an Austrian public-service broadcaster.
